GOD LOVED YOU SO MUCH THAT HE MADE YOU A DAD!There are so many sisters with families. The most important person missing from a lot of these families is daddy. I drive transit buses for a living and for most of the month; you see a majority of women and children. When the first week of the month rolls around, DADDY”S HOME! He’s grocery shopping with his family, getting new clothes and shoes at the mall, his woman is paying HIS bus fare and all is good. When that week is over you don’t see him anymore.
LET ME SAY THAT ALL BLACK MEN ARE NOT LIKE THIS. THERE ARE BLACK MEN THAT TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN BUT IF THERE WASN’T A PROBLEM, THEN I’D HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
I have seven children, three from one relationship, and four with my ex-husband. In both of my situations, when the relationships ended, daddy pulled away from the children in an effort to punish me. They were not punishing me. My children were the ones that suffered. When I was in the relationships, dads provided for the children. When the relationships ended, then it was all on me.
Men are always crying about child support. I pay child support because my oldest children live in NY and every time their father thinks I’m making more money he takes me to court for more money. The funny thing is that for 15 years that my children lived with me he never paid a dime, saying that he was not going to take care of two households. My ex-husband on the other hand was forced to pay when he worked and even then, I only received $25.00 for three children. He eventually got out of that because many of his jobs were under the table. Men would not have anything to complain about if they would just fulfill their financial obligation. Child support is about the support of the child. The reason a lot of men don’t want to pay child support is because the money is being used on things other than the children.
THINGS CHILD SUPPORT IS FOR:
TOYS/ENTERTAINMENT FOR KIDS
THINGS CHILD SUPPORT IS NOT FOR:
MOTHERS- OUTFIT/SHOES FOR THE CLUB
MOTHERS- ENTERTAINMENT WITH NEW MAN
Many women have to receive public assistance, food stamps, and section 8 because the man is not doing their part. That is the reason why they are being dragged into court. As I said, I pay child support and I struggle with the four I have at home but I am not going to quit my job or get a lower paying job because it is my job to take care of all of my children. If my ex-husband did his part, (He does not pay child support.) I would not be struggling. It’s never about me. It’s always about our children.
There are a lot of men that say that the mother denies them access to their children.
THERE IS NO REASON WHY WE AS MEN AND WOMEN SHOULD HAVE TO INVOLVE COURTS INTO OUR LIVES.
WOMEN CANNOT AND SHOULD NOT USE THEIR CHILDREN TO PUNISH THE FATHERS.
AT THE SAME TIME MEN CANNOT USE THAT DENIAL AS AN EXCUSE TO STAY AWAY FROM THEIR CHILDREN.
I have never denied my children access to their fathers. I don’t have that right. Men you have to fight for that relationship with your children, even if that means taking the mother to court for joint custody/ visitation.
Having said that; when you go to court you have to go correct because when you take the woman, many times she will be angry, and have her claws out. She is going to be ready to tell the judge every bad thing she can possibly tell him about you.
WHEN YOU GO TO COURT MAKE SURE THAT YOU:
HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE- you don’t have to have a mansion. You need a place that is safe and comfortable. Your child’s home is their safe haven, so don’t have a lot of people running in and out all times of the day and night.
HAVE A JOB- make sure you have a job. You don’t want the judge wondering how the children will be supported while in your care.
HAVE REFERENCES FROM PEOPLE IN YOUR COMMUNITY- show the judge that you are a man of honor.
YOUR CHILDREN NEED YOU DAD!
LADIES WE DID NOT MAKE THESE BABIES BY OURSELVES AND NO MATTER WHAT, WE HAVE TO INCLUDE THEIR DADDY’S IN OUR CHILDRENS LIVES.
Dads you have to spend quality time with your children. Being in the same house and not speaking is not going to cut it. Buying them things is not the answer. You have to spend time talking to your kids, finding out their likes and dislikes, telling them about you, sharing your passions. If you like to fish, take them fishing. If you like to work on cars, teach them how to fix cars. It doesn’t matter whether they’re a boy or girl, they will appreciate the time spent. Find out your children’s passions and show your interest by participating in activities that they like.
I love to read and since my children were babies I have always read to them and took them to the library. The library is their favorite place. My children and I also love to play board games together and I suggest not playing video games because it’s not a good way to bond.
Daddy’s, it is your job to teach your daughters how to love and be loved by a man. When you’re not in your baby girls lives, it damages them so deeply, and in many cases they go to Hoe Town and they never leave. They are searching for the love that they never got from you. It is also your job to teach your boys how to be men. You are the ones that show your boys how to respect, love, and take care of a woman. When you’re not around, many times your boys see so many negative images of relationships and it turns him into a woman’s nightmare.
The last thing that I want to say is that God does everything for a reason. If you are in your children’s lives and they have friends that don’t have a father then you step in and invite the fatherless child along when you spend time with your kids. It takes a village to get things done.
I remember when I lived in Syracuse; I lived next door to a park. One day, my children ran in the house to tell me that some kids were throwing things at them and I immediately flew out of the house to protect my cubs. I went to the park and there were about 12 kids out there. I talked to the kids and then I followed them home and talked to the parents about their child’s behavior because no child, especially mine should be harassed when they should be having fun. The next day there was a knock on my door. My daughter answered the door, and then came into the kitchen to tell me that someone wanted to see me. I went to the front door and all 12 kids from the park were on my porch. They didn’t want to play with my kids. They wanted to be around me. When I went to their houses to speak with their parents, most of the mothers were into their own things and weren’t paying their children any attention. Those kids became my kids, so I got coloring books and arts projects, books, games, and snacks. They would come over every day and I treated them like my own. If I saw them doing something wrong I would chastise them and they would say, “Sorry Miss Tiffani.”
I told this story because we as mothers and fathers have to stand up and be good parents to all these children.
Many of the bad things that go on in our communities are because of the lack of Daddy’s in the home. I tell my children all the time that they can have a million friends but you only get one mommy and daddy.
Your roll is so important.
God loves you and so do I!
By: Tiffani McClain