updated 1:38 PM UTC, Jan 24, 2013
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I DO but I DON'T

wedWhat is up with saying what you mean and meaning what you say?

I mean, let’s be for real! This is the twentieth century and instead of people improving their habits, they seem to be decreasing. A friend of mine was engaged to be married and two days before the wedding, she started to have doubts. “I think I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend. How could this be when I’m supposed to be getting married?”

“Think about it,” I told her. “Are you sure you’re ready to walk down that aisle?”

“I don’t know.” “It’s not too late to put things on pause so that you have more time to think things through,” I mentioned.

“But I’ve already sent out numerous invitations to family and friends.

I can’t just call it off at the last minute. People have already booked their flights and I don’t want to disappoint,” she responded.“I understand all of that, but you have to remember that when it’s all said and done, all of your invited guests are not the ones who have to live in the marriage, you do! They are just coming to see a show so that they can be spectators and eat up all your food,” I said. She laughed.

“Maybe I’m just nervous being that this is my first marriage and I am anxious.” She sounded more like she was trying to convince herself.

“Okay. If you say so, but just remember that your happiness should come first! Don’t let anyone talk you into getting married if it’s not something you are not ready for. Marriage is hard work and you must be prepared mentally to handle everything,” I warned.

“It will be fine.”

Two days later, a wedding was in session and so many guests attended. Everyone seemed so happy and she looked like the perfect bride. It looked like a dream come true for the bride and groom. NOT!

Not even a month went by before there was trouble in paradise. It turned out that both the bride and groom were not prepared for marriage. He worked too much and being a stay at home wife, she had too much time on her hands. It wasn’t long before she went out creeping with other men while her husband was out working to make a comfortable life for them both. They say what goes in the dark will eventually come to light and in fact, it did! When the husband came home early one day, she was not expecting him to and much to his surprise; he walked in and caught his new bride with another man in his house. You would think that after a month of marriage, the honeymoon period should still be in effect. Not for these newlyweds. Two months later, they were separated and now their future together went down the drain.

Marriage is not something to be taken lightly. Many get married for the glitz, the glam, and the attention. But after that day is over, then what? Marriage is a job within itself and it takes effort from both parties to make it successful. Now to hear that that couple is now divorced, how does all the guests that attended feel? They don’t feel a thing! Now they have more to talk about and the first thing is “I told you so!” Sure they attended the wedding and they clapped and cheered and wished the newlyweds all their best, but the moment darkness hovers over the light, there is nothing but negativity to be discussed.


If you agree to take someone’s hand in marriage, you must first know that person as your friend and ask yourself if you are indeed capable to spend the rest of your entire life with one individual. Counseling, Counseling, Counseling! SEEK COUNSELING beforehand. But make sure the one who counsels you, is one who has experienced a successful marriage themselves. Therefore, they will be honest with you about what it takes to make your marriage work!

You must put in effort. Don’t leave it up to the husband or the wife to take the initiative! Marriage is a team effort and just like anything without hard work behind it, it too will fail. You can’t own a business and expect that it will run itself. You must put in effort and hard work to make your business successful and for it to grow! The same is required for a marriage.

Many are involved in relationships and marriages, but they are so unhappy. You have to be real with yourself and those you are with. Communication is the key to open every door in a relationship. If you don’t let your voice be heard, then no one will know what you are thinking or how you feel. Marriage is a two way street and understand that the other person’s emotions are also at stake. You don’t want your feelings hurt, so why hurt another?

When you say the words, “I do,” you are making a commitment to God and those around you. So please take that into consideration. DON’T SAY YOU DO WHEN YOU DON’T.

Think before you act and think about those who can hurt as a result from your actions. Sometimes, your actions can affect more than just you! Jesus loves you and so do I.

Best Regards,

Nakiesia Reid

Author of Love Finally


By: Nakeisia Reid
Last modified onWednesday, 18 August 2010 23:59

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